Five for Friday: What Our Adoption Story Isn't

1. It isn't meant to make anyone feel bad, for any reason. This is such a deeply personal story, one that draws on nearly every part of who Shane and I are as individuals and as a family. To do the story justice it requires some over-sharing and a great deal of vulnerability. I often worry that things that I might say here could be perceived as hurtful. When I go on and on about our loving families, for example, I can understand how that would feel like a slap in the face to someone who has longed for a better family relationship. When I talk about my experience having a biological child who is healthy and happy, I can understand how that would feel like salt in the wound of someone who is desperately trying to have a biological child of their own. And I'm sure there are things that I'll say here that could be hurtful for reasons I don't even know yet. I'd like to offer a preemptive apology to anyone who is hurt by anything that I say here. I am telling our story as honestly as I can, and I hope that you can extend me the grace to do so knowing that any hurt is unintentional.

2. It isn't an Instruction Manual or an Expert Opinion. We are not experts. We are figuring this out one step at a time. We are doing our best to be as educated as possible about the process that we are pursuing, but at best we will still only be experts about the exact way that our process plays out. I do hope that what I share here is informative and that you are able to occasionally learn something about adoption, and about families in general, but this is meant to be a personal story about our family.

3. It isn't a Sales Pitch. We are passionate about adoption. We are really excited about this next phase of expanding our family and we probably talk about it enough to be pretty obnoxious. We're not trying to talk anyone else into being passionate about adoption, though. Don't get me wrong, I think adoption is an important social issue and one that is totally worth being passionate about for anyone, but so are a million other things and I think passion has to be a little bit organic. Adoption is not for everyone, I get that. It's for us, though, and that's all that we're talking about here.

4. It isn't a Sermon. You know when you hear about someone you know taking a somewhat extreme stance on something, and you immediately start thinking about all of the reasons that their stance is stupid, but mostly you're just preemptively working on a defense for your own stance, because you assume that the other person is judging anyone who doesn't agree with their extreme stance? Please don't do that. Well, not to me anyways. I'm not here to imply in ANY way that we are more Christian/spiritual/humanitarian because we are choosing to adopt. I'm also not here to imply in ANY way that if you think we're crazy that you are less Christian/spiritual/humanitarian. Mama don't preach.

5. It isn't Finished. We are still very much at the beginning of this journey. It could get really ugly, or it could play out like a Hallmark card. I reserve the right to change my mind about anything that I say, because I don't know where this is going to take me and how it's going to shape me yet. So not only am I shirking any responsibility for being any kind of 'adoption expert,' I'm also saying that I don't even have all of the answers about our own story. If you feel like you're getting ripped off, I will gladly refund all of your money.